Fact or Friction

Dear Abby,

My wife and I got into rock climbing a year ago, thinking it would be a great activity we would enjoy together. We started climbing 5.6's 7's 8's and I thought I was on top of the world when I onsighted my first 5.9 plus. When I ventured into the 5.10's I found myself unable to climb with the same rate of success as those lower grades. She soon wasn't satisfied with climbing routes like "Preperation H" and "ToyBoat", I kept begging my wife to keep her ambitions low, since climbing should be done with caution and one should not "grade-chase" since that could lead to disaster. But now she's left me for a guy who looks like Fabio and climbs like Sharma. I feel like a failure and haven't even had the motivation to even climb out of bed. What should I do?

Belayerless in Seatle.

Dear Belayerless,

First of all, have you given any thought to the fact that mullets are to be caught with a rod and reel instead of worn as a hairsyle? Have you considered the fact that goatee makes it appear as if you have a vagina on your face? Maybe the woman that used to hold your rope was trying to teach you something. While even climbs lower in the grading scale should be respected, early in your climbing career, you may feel a certain endorphine rush from onsighting "easier" climbs. This feeling is soon lost when you start to experience failure, but ask any climber like Chris Sharma, the bitter taste of failure is necessary to make you a better climber and let the successes you achieve in the higher grades taste all that more sweet. If you ever find a lady willing to belay your sorry ass again, I suggest this 5.10a as the perfect means to get used to feeling failure and going through the "project phase" all climbers need to overcome before they send. This climb starts off easy and gets harder and harder and more and more mentally challenging the higher you climb. Bring a bail beaner, a good attitude and a willingness to try, try again. Once you get past a climb like this, the success you once felt will come to you, even though the girl of your dreams might not.

Everything's Big in Texas is easy to locate, Fact or Friction might be a bit of a challenge. From Texas, move to your left and up the hill until you see this pretty gem stuffed in a not so obvious corner.

Bring a dozen draws and a bail beaner just in case that hand jamming problem after the last bolt keeps you from sending. This climb has closed cold shuts for anchors.